Wednesday May 11 2011- Day 128

I slept decent as I'm noticing he & I arent talking as much which really bothers me but there is nothing I can do. I get dressed and leave and get to treatment early. I am always tired but I somehow manage to keep a sense of humor about things. Today is doctor day which means this will be my first weekly visit with Dr. Ojong. After treatment I stay in my gown and go upstairs to wait outside 1 of the exam rooms. One of the nurses, Melanie, comes over and takes my blood pressure, weight, and temperature. She asks me how is treatment going. I tell her about the pain I'm experiencing in my nipple. She makes a note of it and leaves. Dr. Ojong arrives and we go in the exam room. I open my gown and he examines my breast. He asks if they have removed fluid from my breast as it appears to have some swelling I tell him no. He makes a note and says ok. He asks about the pain in my nipple and he tells me to ice it with the small ice pak he gives me. He asks if I'm having any other problems and I tell him no. He asks if I'm using any creams. I tell him yes twice a day. He says ok. After that I get dressed and leave. I get to work a little early and work through the morning. I do another day of circuit training and I work hard and intense til every muscle hurts. I finish and go back to work and finish out my day. I am exhausted so I shower and get ready for bed. I eat dinner and go to bed by 9. I text him during the night and we have a brief argument before I fall back to sleep.

Tuesday May 10 2011- Day 127

I wanted to talk to him a little through the night but I slept pretty good & only sent him 1 text which he didnt answer. I get out the bed and get ready for my day. I wake my roommate and have him get dressed so he can give me a ride to treatment. He gets ready and we head out the door. On my way there he text me and we go back and forth briefly. My roommate gets me to treatment at 8 am which is still 10 mins early but later than I normally get there. The difference is immediately felt when I get inside and they tell me to go downstairs. Already there are people waiting and 1 person changing. I change and as I'm coming out someone else comes in to change so now there are 4 of us waiting and 1 person in treatment. Needless to say it's going to be a long morning. I end up not getting out of treatment til 5 after 9 so I call my job to let them know that they were running behind and I would be there shortly. I hop on the train and ride 2 stops and hurry to my office arriving at 9:21. I ask my co-worker to go get me my smoothie and he does so atleast my day wont be off so much. I get through the morning and go to lunch to workout. I did circuit training yesterday so today I'm going to do some cardio. I finish my workout and go back to the office and finish out my day. When I get home my roommate is still home with pinkeye and he has eaten everything in sight so I know I'm going to have to order some food. I order some food from the carryout and go get it. I eat then shower and then lay down for the night. I fall asleep a little after 9 then wake up and go back to bed after 12.

Monday May 9 2011- Day 126

I am awake early mainly because I didnt sleep so well. I get dressed and get out the door and ride the subway to the treatment center. As I am 1 stop away I doze off & wake up as we are departing my stop. I have to get off the subway and ride back 1 stop and walk to the center but I'm still early thankfully. I'm usually the 2nd to arrive so I never have to wait long. So radiation is simple enough. I arrive and sign in. I wait til they call me downstairs. I go down to the women's lockerroom and I undress from the waist up & put on a gown and put all my possesions in a locker. I come out and wait in a chair that is separated by a screen from where 2 techs stand. One of the techs will come from behind the screen and call me over. I stand before a screen which has my picture on it along with xrays and alignment information. They ask my date of birth and I let them know then they lead me back to the radiation room. This room has a 6 foot thick lead door which swings open when we approach. In the center of the room is a machine that looks similar to a CT scan machine. I untie my gown and remove my arm from the right sleeve so that the gown hangs off my right side exposing my right breast (the one undergoing treatment). I lie back on the table and put one arm over my head in an arm rest that holds it in position during treatment. A foam pad is placed under my knees and a ring is placed around my feet to hold them together. One tech constantly pulls the sheet beneath me to adjust me just right under the machine. She is aligning the tattoos on my body with alignment measurements they have in their system for me. The second tech will highlight the tattoos over my right breast with a white marking pen to be sure they arent mistaken for moles and use these as a guideline for aligning the machine. The first tech will get a length of gauze and wrap it to use as a pad under my right breast to hold it up away from my chest area beneath. They have me turn my head all the way to the left and tell me to hold still. They make final alignments and have the machine which swings back and forth, moved off to the left side of my right breast. They then leave the room and the heavy lead door closes behind them. After a minute the machine makes a few clicking noises and then the treatment begins. I can neither see nor feel anything the only indication that I'm being radiated is the loud buzzing which continues for 30 seconds. It stops an the machine is adjusted and I am radiated a 2nd time on the left side for another 30 seconds. After this the machine is moved off to the right side of my breast. The tech comes in and changes a glass screen over the machine, slides it into place and leaves again. After another minute the same radiation done on the left side is done on the right. After this the 2 techs return to the room as the machine slides back to its original position. They adjust the table to bring me down and they remove the gauze from under my breast. I drop my arm, turn my head and put my arm back in my right sleeve before swinging my feet off to the right side of the table and getting up. This is the completion of treatment so I thank my techs and leave back to the lockerroom to change and leave. I hop back on the subway and even though in my head I know I'm supposed to ride 2 stops I get off just 1 stop over and walk out the subway station. When I get outside I realize my error and walk back downstairs and get back on the subway and head the 1 stop to my job. I stop and get my usual smoothie called a Power Booster (strawberries, banana, orange juice, protein powder & plain yogurt) and get to work early. I work through my morning and at lunch go and workout. I circuit train and do 5 mins of jogging on the treadmill then head back to the office with a salad and crystal light. I eat lunch then head home for the day. I get off at Capitol Heights metro and meet my roommate. I go home and change and then ride with him while he gets his infected eye examined. We then go to drop a phone off to his mother and she has us run her to the store. By this time it is close to 9 pm and I have to go to bed in an hour so I get him to stop so I can get some dinner. I get home, change into my night clothes & eat quickly. I fall asleep then I get up and shower and go back to bed where I sleep off and on til 4:47 am.

Sunday May 8th 2011- Day 125

Today is Mother's Day and for me it is a heartbreaking gut wrenching day. I wake up around 8 am but realize I'm still tired so go back to sleep. I get up again around 10:30 am and go talk to Miguel. I'm so depressed & unhappy but I try hard to keep from crying. I miss my mom with all my heart & soul. On top of that he is acting funny again & I cant turn to him for the support I need on this day. Miguel & I watch a movie & I finally make myself eat some breakfast. It is now late afternoon & I just want to curl up in bed. Later Miguel asks me to leave his room so he can call his girlfriend. I go out and eat a little something and then lay on my bed. In the silence of my bed I feel the pain in my heart overwhelm me. I start sobbing uncontrollably. Someone once asked me when do you get over the loss of your mom. Never..not till the day you leave the planet. You learn to live with the loss and the pain subsides to become bearable but never do you just get over it. Days like today when everyone is celebrating their mom are the days I miss her the most. When I grieve the most for not having her by my side. He texts me & I return it but I'm angry with him for being distant again when I need him the most. He gets angry with my text & goes to end the conversation which I dont care about but I let him know what's going on with me. He apologizes but still ends the conversation which is fine by me because I really dont want to talk to him or anyone else. I hop in the shower and cry until I realize even the shower isnt going to help. I get dressed & go back to lay on my bed again. My roommate comes out the room & sees me crying on my bed and tries to console me. It doesnt work. I pull out my laptop and I begin to look for my mom. I dont know where she's buried..I want to find her. I look online and find her last known address and begin an online search of the cemeteries around the area. I dont find her. Meanwhile my brother calls me as he's looking for my step-mother's grave. He's in the cemetary but cant find the exact spot. I try to help him from memory but I havent been to her grave since she passed. I tell him to call my dad or my sister but he says neither are answering. I cant think of the exact spot but try to describe it. He hangs up and I focus my attention back to my search. I give up & close my laptop & lay down. I want to take a nap but I know I won't fall asleep. I get up and cook some food and eat a little dinner before lying in bed & watching tv. I get up later & take some sleep meds so I can fall asleep early. He text me late & ask me if I'm feeling better but I'm not & the way he's acting lately isnt helping. I tell him so & he stops texting so I fall asleep.

Saturday May 7 2011- Day 124

I wake up early so Miguel and I can hit the grocery store. I look to see about getting a store bought cake but they are so expensive I change my mind and decide to bake one along with cookies & brownies. We get home with the stuff and Miguel leaves to return the car while I lay down and take a nap. I wake up in the afternoon and start baking all the items I'm making. I eat breakfast while I'm baking and when I'm done I text my brother to ask what time he's coming to get me. He arrives around 8 pm and we get to his house around 8:30. I'm the first to arrive which is fine I get time to play with Tatiana before everyone gets there. She and I have fun while everyone gets dressed & ready for company to arrive. Folks start to trickle in bringing food and drinks with them as they do. By 11 pm there is ample food and drinks and lots of guests. Tatiana has fallen asleep and has gone to bed. I eat a little and talk with my cousins til the fight starts. After the fight Tatiana wakes up and she rides with me and Carla as I head home. I get home at 2:50 am and Carla text me at 3:26 am to let me know she got home safely. I fall asleep shortly after.

Friday May 6 2011- Day 123

I wake up early & go to radiation. I dont get the early train but I still get to treatment by 7:45 am & since I'm the 2nd person to arrive I am called down to treatment within a few minutes. Treatment is finished & I'm out the door by 8:10. I get to my subway stop by 8:25 so I stop & get a little breakfast which I take to my office & eat slowly while waiting for 9 am to arrive. Some of the staff is still going to be out so it should be a relatively quiet day. Another part of my staff go into a meeting that unfortunately goes on for more than 4 hours. I dont get a lunch break so I get a co-worker to come cover for me at 4:25 and I go home for the day. My brother text me about a fight party he's throwing & I let him know I'll come. I get home & lay down for a bit thankful that I'll get to sleep in tomorrow since I dont have treatment. Miguel gets home & I ask him about going to the movies to see Thor. He says no then changes his mind & says ok. I text Jermaine & he says he's already at the movies so we hurry to rent a car and buy tickets online and meet him there. We arrive to a huge line of people. We get our tickets and go to see the movie. The movie is great and we get home around 1 am. I tell Miguel I need to go the grocery store in the morning so I can get some things to bake for Robert's fight party the next night. He says ok & then I go to bed.

Thursday May 5th 2011- Day 122

He and I text from 4:30 am on so I'm texting him as I get out the bed & start getting ready for my day. It's 1 of those long but necessary convos we have every so often. I keep texting him as I rush out the door to get my bus. My bus gets to the station early and I hop on the early train to Foggy Bottom station. I get to radiation by 7:40 am and I'm the 2nd patient to arrive. Even the receptionist hasnt arrived yet. I wait for only 5 mins and then I'm called down to the treatment area. I change and go into treatment. After 5 mins of treatment I'm up & back out to change. When I walk into change there is another woman changing & she looks up pissed. Apparently there is radiation etiquette I havent learned yet. In my gym women all change in the same area so it's not a big deal, but here in radiation while 1 woman is changing the next person must stand by & wait until she's finished. WTF? This is so asinine & such a waste of my damn time. While you're taking all day to get ready I'm supposed to just stand around waiting? For what? I mean we're all women, we're all here going through treatment and we're all in a rush to get in and get out as fast as possible so what's the big damn deal if you see my breasts while I'm trying to get dressed or undressed? I've posed nude on the internet, I've changed in a lockeroom at my gym, I have no problem against being topless in front of folks. It's not like we're going to stand there staring at each other. I'm trying to hurry just like you are. Ugh. This stupid shit is going to annoy men before these 6 1/2 weeks are up. I leave and hop on the subway 2 stops back to McPherson Square and walk to my block. I stop & get a protein smoothie & then stop at CVS to pick up some supplies to help me get through radiation. I buy baby body wash, woolite & baby powder with cornstarch. This is on top of the calendula cream and aluminum free deodorant I already purchased. All this shit is expensive and annoying as hell that I have to buy but if it helps keep the burning, drying, peeling, blistering, etc to a minimum I'll do it. So far none of those things have happened but they tell me it will start as of next week so I want to jump on it early before it does happen. Maybe I can avoid those things happening all together if I treat it before it happens. You know like my dad says "clean it before it gets dirty & you wont have to clean" If I treat it before it happens maybe I can keep it from happening. At least I hope so. I've already switched to wearing a sports bra which I hate because it makes my breast look flatter but I know I dont want to cause unneccessary damage to my right breast so no underwire for now. My breast is already feeling a little tender so let's try to be gentle with it. I get to work at 8:50 am which shocks my co-worker. I tell her that I asked folks to be here to make sure just in case I was late someone was here to open the office up but because my treatment is so early I figure this is just precautionary. Part of my staff is going over to an award judging so I know I'm going to have a long wait for lunch relief. Sure enough I dont get a lunch break till after 3 pm. My sports bra arrived today so I decide to go workout. I dont want to sweat too much but I want a good workout so I decide to do some circuit training. I love lifting and after 25 mins I'm finished & leave the gym to grab some lunch from CVS. I get back at 4:15 so eat quickly and hurry up to finish out my day. I write Univ of Tenn finally about getting a delayed entry. I look around for scholoarships to get some money. I leave work & head home. I shower as soon as I get in & cook some dinner. I eat dinner & I'm in bed by a little after 9. I get up to take some motrin cuz I'm a little sore from working out & take some sleep supplements & go back to bed. It's going to be an early day again tomorrow.

Wednesday May 4 2011- Day 121

This is my 2nd day of treatment, the first at my regular time at 8:10 am. So I get out the bed at 6 am and get ready for work. Miguel had offered to take me to the subway station but I dont want to wake him out of sleep so I hop on the bus and head to radiation. I arrive at 7:45 am and sign in. The doctors are running late because it is raining like hell. I'm early anyway so it doesnt matter to me. I end up waiting just a short time and head down to radiation. Since I'm already marked up the process goes really quick. I get dressed and head to work. I get there early and my co-worker tells me he's not ready to give up the reception desk so I go get some breakfast and come back. I start my day and work through til lunch. I want to workout but I cant because I now have to wear my sports bra everyday. I ordered another 1 so I'm just waiting for it to arrive so I can start working out. So lunch time I just walk around the neighborhood with Bruce until we figure out we want PotBelly. He walks to go get sandwiches while I go back to my desk. He returns and I eat lunch and then finish out the rest of the afternoon. I get home on time and take a shower as soon as I get in the door. I decide to finally start working on my photos from the NFL Draft. It takes me awhile to go through them all and edit them to put up on my page. When I'm done it's late so I make a little dinner then take some sleep supplements & go to bed. He texts me in the middle of the night and we talk til time for me to get up.

Tuesday May 3rd 2011- Day 120

It has now officially been 4 mos since this journey through hell has began. Has it really been that long? I finished chemo on March 24 and had surgery on April 7th..now I wait for the return of my hair which makes no signs of appearing. I pray it will grow back soon. Today I will need to meet with my oncologist and then have my first radiation treatment. I get dressed and ready and leave out with Miguel at my regular time. This will be the last day of this for the next 6 weeks. I get to GW Hosp MFA building and go up the first floor to the oncology department. I sign in and they call me to get my vitals. They check my weight, height and blood pressure and then tell me I need to have blood drawn. I tell her to take it from my arm, I dont want to go through the hassle of them taking it out my port. She says ok and pulls out a butterfly. She ties off my right arm and finds a vein. She hits the vein but the blood barely drips out. She pulls it out and tries a 2nd time. This time in the process of hitting the vein she hits a nerve. I feel a sharp piercing pain that shoots all the way to my elbow and down to my hand. I let out a scream and feel tears behind my eyes. Again the vein refuses to bleed. She moves the needle around in my vein and each movement sends a shooting pain through my arm. I finally beg her to take the needle out which she does and I try hard not to cry as I pull my arm away. She tells me they will have to draw blood out of my port. Whatever I dont care anymore. She takes me back to the infusion area and tells me to have a seat and wait. I take a recliner and start to cry behind my sunglasses. I hate this fucking hospital so much. I sit and wait and more than 40 minutes go past before a nurse finally tries to draw blood. Even through the port the blood refuses to come. My nurse Theresa orders a clot buster while the scheduler keeps coming back and forth asking if she can take me back. Theresa says no not yet. When the clot buster arrives she injects it into my line and tapes it down down so they can draw blood after I meet with Dr. Tabarra. I go back to the waiting area and they call me back. I meet with another oncologist who is happy for me about my pathology report and says he understands that I want to get my port out soon. He tells me they typically wait til after radiation is done but he will ask Dr. Tabarra and see. I show him the scar on my breast and he tells me he doesnt think it's anything but to go see Dr. McSwain to be sure. I say ok and he leaves the room to go talk with Dr. Tabarra. He returns along with Dr. Tabarra. Tabarra is happy for me that my pathology report is clean. He tells me that typically people keep the ports in because after surgery there is still residual cancer but since there isnt any lingering cancer the option is up to me. I tell him I dont want a reminder of what I've been through. That if I still had cancer I would of course keep it in but since I dont need more chemo I dont want it there. I have no intention of coming back once a month to get it flushed for the rest of my life. He agrees and says ok he will send a request for it to be removed. That I should have it scheduled before I leave. He tells me he doesnt need blood from me that day so I am pissed that I went through all this pain to find out he doesnt need blood. He leaves and I head back out front where they take me back to infusion area to have the line taken out of my port. Theresa hands me 2 pieces of paper so I can schedule my port removal. I head back to the waiting area and the scheduler calls me up to schedule my appointments. She tells me I need to meet with Dr Tabarra in 3 mos. Fine whatever. We schedule it for early August. After this she faxes over the order to have my port removed. She tells me they should call me within 2 days if not to call them. Got it. She tells me I have an injection scheduled for Thurs. I tell her to cancel that because it's the 6th round of chemo which isnt required since I already had surgery. She cancels it out. After this she hands me paperwork and I head out. It is now 11:10 and I have 20 mins to get to radiation. Before I leave though I decide to stop by and see if I can meet with Dr McSwain real quick to show her the scar and have her tell me that its ok. She has a minute and I show her the scar and she explains its just some swelling and should go away. She tells me to meet with the physical therapist to work out the tightness in my arm so I can raise my arm over my head again. She hands me the PT's card and I rush out of there to hurry over to radiation. I arrive at 11:35 for my 11:30 appointment. They take me down and I change quickly. Today they explain will take just a bit longer because they have to make some final alignments and give me more tattoos. Ok fine. They adjust the machine and call out calibrations and draw marks all over my right breast with a magic marker. She finally applies the ink and sticks me with a needle to place the tattoos. After that they quickly give me 2 shots on each side of radiation. The whole process is over in 15 mins and I hurry to get back dressed and head to work. I get to work around 1 pm and I get a co-worker to get me lunch. I finish out the day and head home. I am tired & I know I need to go to bed early so I can get up early so I make a bowl of cereal, take some sleep meds and go to bed.

Monday May 2nd 2011- Day 119

Today is my last day before radiation therapy starts. I am grateful for the ability to sleep 7 am. I get up and get my day started and head to work. My feet are still hurting and as bad as I want to workout I know there's no way my feet will let me do it. I work through the day and get home at my regular time. I change out my work clothes and take my shower so I dont have to stay up late. I make some macaroni and cheese, snap peas and cornbread to go along with the baked chicken I made last week for dinner. I make a plate and eat it and put the leftovers away. At 9 pm I watch my show and after that I wind down and call it a night.

Sunday May 1st 2011- Day 118

Sunday is another lazy day for me. I am still exhausted and my feet are still extremely tired. Miguel decides we need to hit Burlington Coat Factory for some clothes. I say ok and we both get dressed and head over there. Walking around makes me tired again and my feet are throbbing within 5 mins. I dont find anything in the womens section but I get 2 tshirts from the mens section and get 4 dresses from the baby section for Tatiana. We checkout and head home where I desperately need to get off my feet. We eat breakfast and I take a nap. When I wake up later I work on my laptop a little and then he calls. He and I talk a little while I decide to head to the cornerstore to get juice. I get some carryout and juice and head back to the apt. I eat and then lay back down again. I get up later and download the pictures off my phone onto my computer so I can upload them later to my facebook page. I start to manipulate them resizing each one and trying to correct the dark or light on each one. After awhile I get tired again and take another nap. It gets late and I decide to go to bed. Im asleep before 11.

Saturday April 30 2011- Day 117

I am still exhausted from the 2 long days in New York and the very early trek back to DC yesterday. Try as I might to get my day going I cannot get up out the bed. I sleep until 11 am and then Miguel and I go to breakfast. When we get back he goes back to working on our websites while I crawl back in bed. I sleep until 5 pm. When I get up again I go and talk with him and then I lay down and doze off again. Try as I might I cannot stay awake more than a couple of hours at most. I order some food and have dinner and then go back to sleep. I am in bed for the night by 10.

Friday April 29 2011- Day 116

My alarm goes off at 4 am and I can barely shake off the tiredness. I have only had less than 2 hours of sleep. I need to shower and get dressed and throw the last of my things in my bag so we can go. I brush my teeth wash my face and shower and then call Miguel. He's still asleep. I tell him to hurry up so we can get ready to go and to call a cab now so we dont have to wait too long. I finish getting dressed and throwing things in my bag and then go next door and knock. Miguel lets me in and he finishes getting ready and we head down to the front desk. They tell us the cab is on the way and right then it pulls up. The cabbie asks if we would like to take the Queensboro Bridge or the 59th Street Tunnel. It is now 4:42 am and we have to be there at 5 am so we tell him whichever way is faster. He takes us through the 59th Street tunnel which ends up having a toll. We get to Penn Station at 4:54 am which is remarkable to me. I tip him for getting us there so fast and we head into the station. We have a seat in the Amtrak area and wait for our train. At 5:15 am we hop on our train which pulls out at 5:30 am. Miguel is immediately asleep but it takes me awhile to get comfortable and drift off. I wake up off and on but mostly sleep through the long trip until we get outside of DC where I wake up enough to wake Miguel. We get off our train around 8:50 and both rush off to work. I get to work at 9:10 am and work a full day. My feet are too tired for me to workout that day so I rest during lunch. I get home that evening and immediately lay down in bed. Miguel wakes me up when he gets home but I fall back to sleep. I get up at some point to have dinner but I immediately go back to bed and fall back to sleep.

Thursday April 28 2011- Day 115

I wake up early and call Miguel..I want to be sure he hasnt gone down for breakfast already. He says no so I hurry and throw some clothes on and knock on his door. We head down together and when we get to the lobby Jermaine and Rah are already having breakfast. We come and sit at their table and get breakfast off the breakfast bar. We sit around trying to decide what we are going to do before the draft. Jermaine wants to get started at 9 am. Miguel wants to sleep in til around 12 or 1. Rah wants to compromise. Miguel and I go back upstairs. I tell him I'm going to lay down for awhile and when he wakes up to call me so we can plan. I doze off and sleep til around 2:45 pm when I wake up and call Miguel. He's still asleep as well. He says Jermaine called him around 11 to tell him they were headed into Woodside to walk around. I tell him ok. I suggest we get up and get ready so I can go pick up the money he wired to me and then head into the city. I want to hang out around Times Square. He wants to go to the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum and I want to go to the Madam Toussant Wax Museum which I know are both in Times Square. We get dressed and ready and take the shuttle over to Woodside. When we get there are friends are still there. Miguel and I rush to the western union office to get the money which sends us to a second western union office. We finally get the money and by now it is pouring down rain. I dont have an umbrella with me so we stop in a shop real quick so I can buy one. By the time we walk the block back to the subway the rain stops. We hop on the subway and ride back to Times Square-42nd Street station. Jermaine, Rah and Lanod all walk off as Miguel and I go into a shop to grab a late lunch. We eat and they come back..we spot Ripleys & Madam Toussant next door to each other but the time is getting late and we need to get over to Radio City Music Hall to get our tickets. We walk the few blocks over and notice once again a very long line filled with NY fans. This time I am even more decked out in Denver Broncos gear but so is Jermaine. Miguel has on Redskins shirt and Lanod has on a Dolphins hat. We get a loud round of booing and jeering but as with the night before I just laugh. We get in line and wait. As we are waiting Roger Goodell comes through to sign autographs, take photos and talk with fans. I get an autograph. Verizon is coming through with free goodies to give away as well as taking photos and the NFL Network has towels to give away. As I'm waiting NFL Network comes through to ask if I mind being interviewed for Madden '12. I tell them no problem and a few minutes later I get interviewed. After this someone from NFL Network asks if Miguel and I would like to hit the red carpet. We both say yes and he pulls us out of line. He tells us that we will have to get back in line for tickets but we should be ok since we already have our armbands. We get around to the red carpet and as we approach a cop tells us we must go back and find the person who got us. We rush back but Miguel and I get separated. I get to the guy and he gives me an arm band so I can go back to the red carpet area. By now my camera has died which sucks so as I step onto the platform in front of the red carpet area I will have to take pictures with my cellphone. My cellphone cant lock fast enough for me to get great pictures but I manage to get a few good ones of players arriving. Miguel calls and I tell him I'm on the red carpet taking pictures. He tells me he's already in the hall so I will be on my own. As time for the draft approaches I rush off the platform and head back to the line to get a ticket. I get into the hall and call Miguel again but now I cant reach him. I head to the area where my seat is and I'm handed a gift bag before heading into the sitting area. I get my seat and try to get a picture of the platforms for NFL Network and ESPN but the bright lights dont allow my camera to get a clear picture. The program begins and I sit and attentively wait for the draft to begin. Roger Goodell is booed when he hits the stage. Everytime the cameras turn towards my area the cameraman for ESPN gives a motion for the crowd to get loud. He tries to get us to move in close but the Hall staff keeps moving us back. I make friends with 2 guys who sit behind me and we talk through the whole draft. I put on the small radio they give us so I can listen to commentary from both NFL Network & ESPN between picks. We move back & forth trying to give the cameraman the loud rowdy crowd noise and cheering he wants. One of my new buddies Dimitri actually gets on tv which we both laugh about. He is texting me through the draft and I tell him how things are going and send him the occasional photo that I post on facebook as well. When the draft is finished I separate from Dimitri and Steve and meet back up with my friends in the concession area. It is now close to 12 so we need to find some food and head back to the hotel. We call the hotel to find out what time the airport shuttle stops running and they tell us 12:45. It is 12:37 by this point and there is no way we can get to Woodside station in 8 mins so we call our gypsy cab driver again who tells us 20 mins. Meanwhile we get some food from Burger King and wait. I have been standing now for almost 2 days straight so my feet are killing me. I know we have to hurry and get back to the hotel since Miguel and I are catching a 5:30 train back to DC in the morning. Our cab arrives and we get back to the hotel quickly. I hit my room and immediately start packing. I eat quickly as I pack and by now it is past 2 am so I crawl in bed so I can catch a couple of hours of sleep before morning.

Wednesday April 27 2011- Day 114

Today I'm leaving for NY for the NFL Draft. I'm glad I'm finished chemo and surgery so I can travel even if it means putting off radiation for a week. I wish my hair had grown back in time but oh well. My roommate and I finish throwing things in our bags and then we take ride our rental car to the subway station and catch the subway to Union Station where we'll catch a bus to NY. We arrive around 11 am and my roommate realizes he left the business account credit card at home..UGH! We eat some food and wait for our friends that are traveling with us to arrive. My roommate plans to rush to the bank to withdraw the cash but he looks up the bank and realizes that there are branches in New York so we'll wait until we arrive to worry about the money for the hotel. We walk to the bus depot and wait in line for the bus to NY. Our friends arrive just behind us and we all wait as the bus arrives late. We all hop on the top level of the doubledecker bus and head to the very back. We all sit together and my roommate and his friend try to find the wifi connection on the bus. My laptop is locked up below so I play with my iPod touch but cant find the signal. The 2 of them get their iPads connected and work online for awhile. About an hour into the trip I'm starting to get sleepy so we all stretch out and fall asleep in our spots. I doze off and on wake up in Delaware, fall back to sleep, wake up outside of NJ. I stay awake the rest of the way there. My roommate and I decide to wire the money to me so I can go pick it up as opposed to try to locate a bank and such. We get into Manhattan and after trying to flag down a cab, call the hotel who tells us to catch the subway to Woodside-61st Street Station in Queens. It ends up being a long ride changing trains carrying luggage and chairs. We arrive and call the hotel who sends us an airport shuttle. We arrive to our hotel which is unfortunately situated across the street from a cemetary. Explains why the room was so cheap for a suite. We check-in and get to our rooms. I am glad to have a room to myself which includes a bed and a pull-out couch. Unfortunately the view out my window is of the cemetary so I keep my shades drawn. We get settled and decide to head back into the city. We are all tired so we cant imagine catching the subway again so we catch a cab with all of our chairs so we can go to the draft straight after. We arrive at what we think is early and discover a long line has already formed out front of Radio City Music Hall so we decide to go ahead and stand in line. I am dressed in Denver Broncos gear from head to foot so as I walk pass the line of NY fans I get a loud chorus of boos and hisses and jeers. I laugh and pull my hood on so they can see the Broncos logo on the side. We get to the back of the line and wait. As we wait we realize we are all hungry so 4 of us decide to walk to find food while my roommate waits in line. We find a pizza parlor a block over and decide to order a pizza and some sodas. The place is an authentic italian restaurant so they handmake our pizza. While I'm waiting my friends walk off and leave me. Jermaine comes back with his girlfriend Rah now wearing a jacket since it has now gotten cold. His cousin returns after taking a call. By now the pizza is ready. My roommate calls to tell us we lost our place in line but we need to hurry back. We grab the pizza and our sodas and run back to the line. We have to get in the back of the line and as we run in the barrier they close it behind us. We will be the last ones in our section. We pull out our chairs and sit down and eat pizza. Miguel is up front somewhere but he's crowded in and cant sit down and doesnt want pizza. We stay in our area listening to the NY fans boo people as they come through in any jersey other than Jets or Giants. After an hour or so of waiting they move the barricade and move us up further. An hour after that the line moves through and we move into the Hall to get our armbands. I'm glad we're moving because it has gotten breezy and much colder. We all get our armbands and decide to catch a cab back to the hotel. We have the number for our gypsy cab driver who arrives 20 mins later and takes us back to our hotel. It is late when we get back and we are all tired so we each go to our separate hotel rooms and go to sleep. I have been texting him all afternoon so he knows where I am and what's going on. I know he's most concerned that I'm sleeping alone so I make sure to take a pic of my room so he can see I'm there alone. After a few more text and talking to my roommate about breakfast in the morning I fall asleep.

Tuesday April 26 2011- Day 113

Today will be the day I get measured for my first radiation treatment. Basically they are going to align me on the machine and draw marks on my body with ink that they push in with a pin. They refer to them as tattoos. My appointment is at 8 am so I need to be up out the bed by 6 and out the door by 6:51 to catch a 6:56 bus. It's rough for me getting up because I'm not a morning person and getting up an hour earlier is a struggle. I manage to get out the door on time and arrive at radiation at 7:45 am. They give me some paperwork to fill out and then leave me to sit until a nurse comes to get me and take me down to radiation. They take me to a dressing area and tell me to undress from the waist up and put on a gown. I quickly change and forget to take off my bra and necklace which the nurse tells me to remove. I am then put on a radiation simulator. This machine wont actually radiate me instead it will give them the alignment needed for treatment. They get me positioned and begin drawing dots and lines on my body. The whole process takes about 10 mins. I get back dressed and go back upstairs. I meet with Dr. O my radiation dr and I show him a scar that has developed along my right breast. He says it's nothing to be concerned about just scar tissue developing. I say ok and leave. I get to work on time and at lunch time I do a hard 30 min workout and I'm exhausted by the end of it. By the end of the day I'm not sure if it was a good idea considering that I still need to wash and pack before we leave for our trip tomorrow to NY. I am so tired when I get home I want to lay down and sleep but I know I need to throw clothes in the wash and get packed. We also need to run to the store and get some groceries. By the time I finish everything it is well after midnight. I dont finally fall asleep til after 1 am. Thank goodness I dont have to work tomorrow.

Monday April 25 2011- Day 112

Monday I am determined to do another 25 mins in the gym..if I can I may even push for a full 30 mins. I push myself and do a full 30 mins..I am exhausted but the workout is worth it. I feel my lungs burning slightly but I'm proud of myself for being able to go that long. I have a good lunch and finish out my workday. I get home and we need to wash clothes but still dont have quarters. I dont fret..I figure I'll do it tomorrow after work before I pack. I go to bed and text him once during the night then sleep through.

Sunday April 24 2011- Day 111

Today is Easter Sunday. I am hoping he will send me photos of himself and his daughters but they never manifest. I'm not going to bug him to death about it. I want to say something but I dont. I get a few text back and forth from friends wishing me a happy easter. I mainly lay in bed and relax and play on my laptop. I'm glad I bought it just so I can have it next to me when I'm in bed. I often wake up in the middle of the night and get on it just to send him some photos. He loves that especially when he's at work bored. He doesnt work today so I dont talk to him that much. I talk with my dad a little and text back and forth with my brothers but mostly I nap off and on and go to bed early.

Saturday April 23 2011- Day 110

Its Easter Saturday..I get pictures all day from my sister in law Carla. They are Adventist so today is their Easter service. I love the pictures of everyone dressed in their finest Easter attire. The baby is so adorable in the lilac dress I bought her and all the kids look so beautiful as do my brother and sister in law. Miguel and I go shopping for some last minute things for our trip but we arent out long. Mostly we chill that day..we are so focused on our trip. I have alot on my mind right now. I spend the day chilling and go to bed at a decent hour.

Friday April 22 2011- Day 109

I'm so glad it's Friday..it means a short week next week and then I can go to the NFL Draft in NY. This will be the first time I've left DC since before this all began. My last time leaving town was to visit him and that was in October. Fighting cancer has left me trapped in DC and it depresses me to no end. I'm looking forward to going to NY even if that means its going to throw my treatment off by 1 week. Oh well. I have a great workout which exhausts me but makes me feel good. I eat a nice salad and plan to have a restful weekend. I have no plans for the weekend. We go shopping to put juice and things in the apt. I am beyond tired so I lay down and go to bed for the night around midnight.

Thursday April 21 2011- Day 108

My Denver Broncos chair arrived the day before at work but I couldnt carry it with me to my doctor's appointment so I left it at work. Today I'm going to take it home so I can put it together with the rest of my Broncos stuff to take with me on my New York trip next week. All this treatment and sickness depress me to no end. The trip gives me something to look forward to. I do a short workout..about 25 mins that make my chest burn but makes me feel better that I can even workout at all. I end my day and go home to a quiet apartment til my roommate gets home. We talk about our plans for next week and try to figure out how we are going to get home from New York which we still havent worked out yet. I get tired of trying to figure it out and go lay down and rest for the night.

Wednesday April 20 2011- Day 107

Today I have to leave work early because I have to meet with the radiation doctor. If it's not 1 goddamn thing it's another with this bs. I get tired of having to deal with treatment. So after a full day of work I leave at 2:30 to walk down to GW Hosp. I meet with the radiation dr who proceeds to tell me that it is in my best interest to go through radiation. That I shouldnt suffer through the same kind of side effects I did with chemotherapy and that the most I should have to deal with is skin changes similar to a sunburn including dry itching and peeling. Great just what I need. He says that radiation isnt required but it reduces my chance of reoccurence from 40% to less than 10%. With that information it's clear that radiation is not in fact optional. He tells me that he will set me up with my first appointment which will just be measurements for next week. He asks me the date..I tell him I'm leaving town Wed-Fri of next week so he says fine let's plan for Tues with the first radiation beginning the following week. Ok fine whatever. He asks me what time..I tell him at 8 am. He leaves the exam room and returns shortly with an appt card for the following Tues at 8 am. It's more shit I'm not looking forward to including get up an hour early for the next 6 weeks but this seems unavoidable. Such is my life now while battling cancer.