Wednesday April 6th 2011- Day 93

Today I'm leaving work early. I have to have a procedure done prior to my surgery tomorrow. I stop and get a smoothie on my way to work. I get a muffin after the judging brings breakfast out. Around 2 pm I leave work for the day and head down to GW Hosp. I'm going to hospital itself instead of the Medical Faculty Associates building. I go to radiology on the 1st floor and check in. They seem confused at first that I'm there but then a nurse says she knows I'm supposed to be there and have a seat she'll be ready in a few minutes for me. I have a seat and then she finally comes to get me. She takes me back to a room where a tech sits in a chair outside a room that contains a machine that looks similar to the PET/CT scan machine. The tech tells me that I need to get undressed from the waist up. He explains that today they are going to inject my right breast around the areola 3 times with a radioactive material that will light up the path that my breast takes out to the lymph nodes. This will help isolate the ones that need to be removed for testing. He warns me that the radioactive medicine will burn like holy hell. Ugh..more painful injections..great. Like I havent had enough of painful injections already. He tells me I'll need to massage it in for several minutes and then he will take 3 photos which will guide the doctor tomorrow. He leaves the room & I get undressed from the waist up and put on a gown. He retuns and puts a blanket over me so I can stay warm in this cold room. Shortly after a doctor comes in and repeats the same instructions. He tells me I can go fast or slow..I tell him to go fast to get it over with. He has a nurse with him. I lie back and they uncover my right breast. He wipes my areola off with alcohol 3 times. The nurse stands on my left and holds my hand. The doctor proceeds to give my first injection. I scream and start crying immediately. The pain is like having your breast set on fire. I almost expect him to be holding a book of matches instead of a needle. But I'm not crying just from the pain but also because I think to myself how much more shit are you going to put me through? How much more do I have to endure? The pain, nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, weight loss, baldhead..I cant take it anymore..and this pain now in my breast is unbearable. I keep crying..the doctor asks me if I want him to stop but I tell him no. I dont want this misery to linger any longer than it has to. He preps the next needle and injects me again..I'm trying hard to hold still because if I move they will have to do it again and I cant take an additional shot. The 2nd shot starts with the same pinching feeling and then the fire that seems to consume my entire areola. I just keep crying but I dont tell them to wait. I dont want to do this anymore..I dont want to go through anymore shit..why am I being made to suffer like this? The doctor gives me the 3rd and final shot and I lay back and cry more. The nurse pats my hand and the doctor covers my breast in a gauze pad and then closes my gown. He tells me to massage my breast to get the dye flowing to my lymph nodes. He leaves the room and returns with a box of tissues that he lays on my chest. He leaves and I take a few tissues and lie back crying while I massage my breast. I feel alone and unhappy. I hate what is happening to me. I keep massaging and I start praying to myself asking God to give me strength..asking him to have the surgery go well tomorrow. Asking that he heals my body. The tech returns and he sets up the machine to start taking pictures of my breast. He explains each step as he's doing it. They will adjust the camera 3 different ways to get 3 different angles of the dye path. I must lie perfectly still with my arms over my head while he does this. The whole process takes about 10 mins. After he is finished I get back dressed and leave the hospital. I am tired and all I want to do is go home and rest after this ordeal. I go to bed early that evening but wake up in the middle of the night to talk to him a little. He's busier tonight so I finally give up trying to hold a conversation with him and go back to sleep.