Friday February 18 2011- Day 46

I wake up in the morning feeling anxious. I try to stay calm but today is the big day I head back to the hospital to get an update of my status. I'm shaking a little from nerves but I try to ignore it. I go to work that morning and the anxiousness turns to fear. What if I dont get good news? What if instead of shrinking the tumor has spread? I am worried and depressed. I start to cry and feel a wave of unhappiness spread over me. I talk to one of my friends who reassures me that everything will be ok and to take deep breaths and relax. Whatever happens I will deal with it and get through it. I take the deep breaths and try to relax. 12:40 pm comes and I leave work for the appointment at GW Hosp. It is a nice spring day so I take off my jacket and walk briskly to the hospital. I try to uplift myself as I walk bouncing along to the beat of the music playing in my ears from my ipod. Today I had dressed a little more fly with my long curly wig a cute top and some tight jeans so I get attention everywhere I walk which gives me confidence even as my nerves are shot. I arrive a few minutes late and wait to be seen. I am brought back to the exam room, undress from the waist up and have a seat on the exam table. Dr McSwain arrives and asks about chemo. I tell her how it has gone and explain that Dr Tabarra has referred me back to her to be seen because we felt as though the tumor had shrunk and I need to have an ultrasound to see if it has. She does an exam and says it seems to have shrunk. She asks if I have scheduled the ultrasound. I tell her no. She writes me a referral and tells me to go to the radiology department to be seen. I get dressed and walk over to radiology. They tell me to sign in to the book for scheduling and have a seat. The scheduler comes out and calls me in. I go into her office and she informs me she does not have an opening to be seen until March 1st. I tell her that doesnt work because I have chemo scheduled for next week and if I'm not seen before then I will have to go through another round. If I dont have to go through another session I dont want to do it. She asks if I want to wait for the hospital administrator. I tell her yes. She sends me back out to wait. In the waiting area I start crying. This cant be happening. I dont want to go through more chemo if I dont have to. Finally the adminstrator comes to get me. With tears in my eyes I explain to her that I need an ultrasound and mammogram asap otherwise I have to go through another chemotherapy session. She goes to get me a bottle of water and tells me to have a seat and calm down she will see what she can do. She calls around to the radiology center and asks the doctors if they can do an add-on for today that the patient needs to be seen asap and that their schedule is booked up for all of next week. They asks if I'm willing to wait. I tell them I will wait all day if I have to just let me be seen. They agree to see me. I am so relieved. They send me back out to the waiting area to get checked-in. I check in and they send me around to the radiology area where I check in with a second nurse who hands me more paperwork to fill out and sends me to a waiting area with other women waiting for mammographies. I am calm now..I dont care if I'm here for 5 or 6 hours just so long as I'm seen. After half an hour they come take my paperwork and asks me to lock up my things and get undressed from the waist up and put a gown on. I get undressed and put the gown on and lock my things in the locker minus my ipod and phone. I text my roommate and Tracie while I can. Tracie keeps me calm and sends me kisses which make me smile but my signal is out in the waiting area so I dont get anymore text after that. I keep playing a game on my ipod and after another half hour I get a mammogram. I am sent back into the waiting area where another half hour goes by before I am taken to the room for an ultrasound. The nurse asks why I'm there and I explain real quick while she does the ultrasound. She finishes the ultrasound and tells me to get dressed and go out to the general radiology waiting area. I get dressed and go wait. After a while a nurse comes to get me and brings me back to a room filled with doctors sitting in front of xray screens. They sit me next to a doctor who introduces herself (forget her name) and pulls up my ultrasound and mammograms. She shows me my original mammogram from the end of December which shows the large spot then she pulls up the mammogram from today. She points to a small crescent shaped spot lower on the screen then the original lump. She tells me that it has made great progress and that she is sending me back to the breast care center for further treatment. She writes something down on the referreal and hands it to me. I leave the room and head back to breast care center. I read the words "Surgical Extraction" on the referral form. I start to shake. OMG..does this mean what I think it means? I head into the breast care center and hand the receptionist the referral form. She looks it over and I asks her if surgical extraction means I can move onto surgery. She tells me yes. I throw my hands up over my head in excitement. She looks at me funny and asks me "You're happy about surgery?" I explain to her that I've been going through chemotherapy for 6 weeks now so yes I am very happy that I can move on. She nods and says when I explain that she understands. She asks how soon do I want to have surgery. I tell her she can call me back in 20 mins and I'll be there. She laughs and says she'll write down asap. She tells me she'll look into Dr McSwain's schedule and find the first opening and call me with a date. I tell her ok and leave the breast care center happier then I've been in a long time. Finally I can move on. I have something to look forward to. I was hoping that the tumor was completely gone but being small enough to be extracted surgically is fine with me. I leave the hospital and text Tracie and tell him to call me. I call my father, my sister in law, my brother and no one answers until I get into my cousin. I tell my cousin and she is just as happy as I am. I am crying tears of elation. This has been 6 weeks of hell so something as simple as being able to move onto the next stage of treatment is progress that I look forward to immensely. My sister in law calls next and I tell her and then my dad calls and I tell him. I text all my co-workers and relatives and let them know. Everyone responds excited for me. I am happy and feel a wave of relief pass over me. I call my friend who had calmed me that morning and let him know and he is happy for me. I want to post on Facebook so everyone else that's been worried about me knows, but I hold off because I want to tell Tracie first before I post the news. My roommate gets home around 7 and we go to Firehouse Sub in Alexandria to celebrate my good news. I love their subs and since the saltwater taste has finally left I can actually enjoy the food. We eat there and then take extra food home for later. We go home and chill the rest of the evening. Tracie finally calls me at 1 am and I tell him the good news. He is happy for me and I go back to sleep with a smile on my face relieved to have something to look forward to. Onto the next!