Thursday February 3- Day 31

31 days and now it's time for 2nd chemotherapy treatment. I dread these days so much. Mainly because they make me feel so horrible. The morning starts with me talking on the phone with Tracie and afterwards getting into an argument via text. Not a great start to my day. I get ready for the hospital visit and in the process my dad calls to let me know he's on the way. I finish getting ready and as I finish up my bagel (dont have chemo on an empty stomach) I throw my applesauce and yogurt into a bag and grab my water and leave out. On the drive there my dad gets lost and ends up finding a quicker way to get there shaving 15 mins off of our time. We get up to oncology at 8:20 for an 8:30 am appt with my oncologist Dr Tabbara. They take me to the lab to check my vitals and draw blood and shortly after they bring me back to wait to meet with the doctor. I'm not waiting long when they call me back. I sit for 5 mins and the first doctor (whose name I keep forgetting) comes in and asks me how did the first chemo go. I proceed to tell him about all the horrible side effects (nausea, diarrhea, severe pain, etc). He asks me why didnt I call. I tell him I didnt know I was supposed to. He said yes if you have any complications you call our 24 hour hotline and a doctor will be paged and we can prescribe you medication for all of your symtoms..you should never have to suffer like that. So he writes down a list of medications he will give me prescriptions for that I can have filled before I leave the hospital. I say ok. He tells me if I still run into any complications to please call. I agree. So afterwards Dr. Tabbara comes in and asks me how I'm doing. I tell him the same thing and he again chastises me for not calling and for just suffering through the way I did. Ok lesson learned..dont tough it out..get help. Gotcha. He tells me to get undressed from the waist up and he will examine my breast today. I tell him I'm happy because I think I notice a difference. He said ok good let's check it out. He leaves the room for 5 mins and I pull the curtain closed so I can get undressed while my dad sits in the chair next to the examination table. I come and sit back on the table and the 2 doctors come back in the room. Dr. Tabbara asks me to lay back and put my arm over my head so he can examine my right breast. He does the exam and seems shocked. "It appears to have shrunk" he says. He has the 2nd doctor come over and repeat the same exam. He nods his head at Dr. Tabbara. He has me sit up and he looks at my 2 breast hanging side by side. Where before the massive lump stuck out like a golf ball on the inside of my right breast, now it just hangs the same as the left one. "I am amazed..and only after one treatment. It appears the tumor has dissolved." I tell him I noticed it disappearing and that I couldnt find it anymore either so I was glad he was confirming what I noticed. He says "Ok well that is very good. We are going to continue with the chemo today and in 2 weeks you will meet with the Dr. McSwain (breast care doctor) to have an ultrasound to see if you are finish with treatment or if you can move onto surgery and chemo again afterwards but everything looks very good." I am very pleased. I am hoping that I'm done with treatment or atleast I can have the surgery and radiation and be done with all this by sometime in March. I post a message on FB, text and call everyone and let them know the good news. Everyone is happy and excited but I tell them that we will just have to wait on the next part of the story til after Feb 18th. I go back to wait and they proceed to take me back to the transfusion room. I take a seat in one of the recliners on the far wall and my dad sits next to me in a chair. I have a new nurse today named Teresa who will be changing out my meds every few hours. I ask if I can have the lidocaine cream first. She tells me she can write a prescription for it that I can go downstairs to the pharmacy and get. Ok fine. I take the prescription down and fill it and put it on. I have to wait an hour after its on. We head back upstairs and go back to our spot and wait. After 1/2 hour Teresa decides to start anyway. Oh well. She hits my port with a half inch needle and I tell her she has to switch to the 1 inch (learned that from the first time). She flushes my port but doesnt get any blood return so she gets a solution that will dissolve anything that may be clogging my line. After the first try she still doesnt get any return. She waits 15 more mins and tries again. Success! Time to start the chemo. They start with the saline that runs through the whole procedure and the anti nausea. Then a second anti nausea. Then the actual chemo drugs. All the water and saline makes me hafta go to the bathroom so at some point I need my dad to move the table they have across my lap. The table comes from the left side and lifts over the arm of the chair and rest over both arms. When I ask my dad to move it he takes everything off first and goes to lift the table and somehow manages to break it. I die laughing. Even as he manages to slide it back in and set it back up crooked I cannot stop laughing. I now remember why I love having my dad with me. It's not just our good talks..the man is a source of comic relief which in this very somber room is very welcome. I go back and forth to the bathroom and then get our crooked table set back up in time for the next drugs to be changed. At one point I lean over talking to a nurse and tell her they need to have a tv or a radio or something in this room. She said she agrees and so do all the nurses. I explain to her that the room is somber enough and that it would provide a distraction from the silent sadness that fills this room. Alot of the patients in here especially the women are alone. Many seem to prefer this. For me the journey is hard enough I cannot imagine being alone in this room for hours on end. My dad has brought lunch for us but I only eat a little. My appetite starts to fade as the chemo wears on. I try to doze off a little but the constant beeping noise prevents that from happening. At 3 pm we are finally finished. I am happy atleast for it to be over even though I have that same knot in my stomach I did last time. I explain to my dad that the knot just sits there and will continue to grow overnight when I will become feverish and achy. It sucks but I know it from the first time. We go to applebees where I enjoy my last good meal I'll have for several days till my appetite returns and I can eat normal without fear of getting sick. I am going to stick to my B.R.A.T. diet for the next several days atleast til I feel more normal. I get home and I pop an anti nausea and take some advil pm and some alteril (sleep supplement) and fall asleep until my roommate comes home and wakes me out of dead sleep. I'm not awake long. I drift off again until 1 am when he wakes me to get out his bed and go lay in my bed. I go back to sleep and sleep fitfully through the night. The fever comes and I am delirious and hot and chilly all at the same time. I know it will pass but it makes for a rough night.