Tuesday March 8 2011- Day 64

My back is hurting more than the day before and I'm very sick to my stomach again. I slept ok but not great and I'm a little more fatigued than usual but during chemo week I'm used to it. I mean that's the biggest side effect they warn you about. Fatigue. Tired..always tired. It is a struggle most days to find any energy at all. It doesnt help at all that I suffer severe bouts of insomnia and my little brain is in overdrive now counting down the days till I finish chemo and surgery. I'm ready for the draft at the end of April. I have friends I've promised to visit all over. TN, CA, FL, NJ, CT..I cant wait to start traveling. Start school again. Move on from this pitstop in my journey of life. It feels like a roadblock..a stepping stone I must overcome in order to move on. In my mind I'm moving on. Now that I have all my final dates my brain is racing. The problem is it seems to race the most when I'm trying desperately to get some sleep. The mix of fatigue and insomnia is unbearable but I do my best each day to get through it. I sleep in small catnaps of an hour or so when I can. It's annoying but I manage. Thinking of all the places I want to travel. Thinking of how soon will I have my hair..how long does it take to grow back from completely bald? I've never had to do it so I have no clue. How do I wanna dress? I wanna start training with 1 of the trainers in my gym in May. I'm ready to start the next chapter in my life. I guess I better finish this one first before I jump to the end of the book. Ugh..patience has never been my strong suit but with this journey I guess it's 1 I have to learn. So as I lay in bed at 1 am I finally decide to pop some motrin pm, some alteril and some melatonin which do absolutely nothing to help me fall asleep. I'm wide awake just laying there hoping to doze off. I nap til almost 3 shower and go back to bed. My stomach is upset all night so I'm also up in the bathroom sick which makes rest impossible. I dont turn the tv on since there is never anything on at this hour and I dont turn the computer on I just lay in the quiet cool dark hoping that something will put me to sleep. I eat a bagel. Doesnt help. Oh well. Another long night of insomnia for me.