Friday, January 28, 2011- Day 25

I have to go to work this morning dealing with my new balding condition. How am I going to face this? I wrap by head turban style in a large black scarf and finish getting ready for work. I get to work and my co-worker reties it a little fancier. Everytime I blow my nose more of my nose hair comes out. I hate this. It makes my nose run even more. I go to the gym at lunch time and get in a short workout. I run into a woman Cindy that I always talk to and tell her what's happened. Cindy tells me she's never done a self exam but now telling her what's happened to me she is going to start. I tell her I didnt want to become a spokesman for self exams but if my condition makes other women more conscious to have their exams than by all means I'm for it. I hadnt wanted this job, believe me I would prefer to not have cancer, but now I have a certain responsibility to make others aware and have them take precautions. I dont want this job. It is hard enough dealing with what I'm going through but it becomes an unspoken rule. I go back to work and finish out my day and head home. I decide to go get my face waxed one last time for awhile. I dont know how long it will take after chemo is over for my hair to grow back but since I'm nowhere near that time I figure I'll enjoy this 1 luxury for now. I talk to my waxer Daniel who I've always enjoyed having do my face. He's quick but gentle and we always have good convo. I tell him what's going on and he tells me that I'll be ok and to still come by every so often and talk to him. I agree to do that. My nails are getting brittle so I may get tips and get my toes done for awhile to try to still feel pretty on some level. When Daniel finishes I head home and I take a pic of myself and send it to Tracie. He writes me back and tells me I look so pretty. I love him for that cuz I no longer feel it. I post a pic on FB as well. My head is still wrapped but my face is waxed and looks good so I try to feel and look normal. I unwrap my head and decide to wash it which I havent done in 3 weeks. I already know what is going to happen but I dont like the feeling of it dirty. I wash it and I watch as most of my hair washes down the drain. When I finish more than half of my hair is gone and there is a very large bald patch in the front. My life is changing faster than I'm ready to handle. I text my roommate back and forth and we agree to meet for breakfast in the morning. I go to bed watching some program and sleep off and on through the night.