I woke up at 5 am as I have been doing for over a week now. I'm not sure why I keep waking up at this hour. I pray and meditate before I get up and then I get up and write and get ready for my day. I always wait til the next day to write about the day before in case anything happens during the night that I might want to mention. But last night was quiet so I'll just tell you about the hospital visit.
So this day I get ready just before 7 and head on the bus back to the subway station. Somewhere on the bus ride a wave of sadness hit me. I had been fine all weekend so this sadness kinda took me by surprise. I think it was simply that I was dreading going back to the hospital. The hospital is starting to symbolize something negative to me so having to keep going there upsets me. I send a request out to my FB family to send me some love & positive energy & thankfully they do which helps tremendously. It's hard for me to admit needing help right now. I am fiercely and ferociously independent so for me to lean on others is new for me and very difficult. But right now I do it because it does help. By the time I get to the subway I feel a little better. A quote comes to me in my head and I believe it is God telling me that I need to be strong first before I seek it in others. The quotes I have written over the last few days have been original thoughts. They come to me as I am sitting someplace. I am sure they are God's way of reminding me to be brave and enjoy the life he has given me. So even though I asked for some encouraging words from others, He reminded me to look inside myself first and I would find it. As I typed the quote as it was coming to me, I found it. So on my train ride in I started to calm down. I spoke with my sister briefly and arrived at the hospital just before 8:30 for an 8:45 appt. I'm not sure where I'm going but the reception desk tells me to go up the stairs to the 2nd floor and check-in with radiology. Radiology is at the top of the stairs to the left so I give them my referral, my ID and my insurance card and wait to be called up. They call me up and give me cards back and tell me to have a seat and I'll be called. About 10 mins later a nurse comes out to get me and she takes me back to get undressed from the waist up and put all my clothing in a big and sit in this small waiting area. Fortunately I have been wearing sweat pants for over a week now. They arent just comfortable and convenient but for some reason whenever I get x-rays they also let me keep them on..so new lesson for everyone if you ever have to go through this...wear sweatpants. Just makes it easier on everyone. So I have all my clothes in 2 bags at my feet as I wait for them to come get me. The nurse comes back and she tells me I need to have my blood sugar levels tested first. She sits me in a room with a nurse and as I'm seated she searches for a vein while the other nurse asks questions. Height, weight, pregnancy, surgery in last 12 mos, etc. I dont know why but I'm in an upbeat mood so I make jokes with the 3 nurses in the room. I have to stay upbeat or I'm going to be depressed over this and that wont help at all. The nurse at my right arm is having a problem finding a vein. They just arent cooperating this morning. I havent ate or drank since midnight so I think being dehydrated isnt helping. I show her my battle scars of pin pricks from Friday to show I had the same problem then. She proceeds to have the same problem and after 3 tries she gives up and lets a 2nd nurse try. The 2nd nurse goes to my left arm which never cooperates (the veins are big in my right and hidden in the left..have only ever had blood drawn once in my life from my left arm). She gives up and moves to the back of my left hand I beg her not to do it..the ones in the hands hurt so bad, but she says she has to and pricks my hand for the blood sugar test. I wince in pain but she gets the blood she needs. They test and my blood sugar level comes back in the normal range 123 (of course it does, I'm not diabetic as I'd already told them). The back of my hand is in so much pain & I can see it is instantly bruising..sigh..oh well. She goes back to my right arm because she must put an IV line in for the test I'm having done today. Today I'm having both a PET scan and a CT scan. This will examine all the organs on the inside of my body to detect if the cancer has spread to any other areas. The IV line will be used to pump in radioactive material which will help my organs show up better on the images. Unfortunately once again the nurse is having a problem finding a vein. It takes her 3 tries but she finally gets the IV in. After all the pricking they've done to me I'm already tired. I keep me spirits up though, I have to keep a sense of humor about it even though I have 7 prick marks from the last 2 days of testing. The first nurse who brought me in walks me down the hall. She asks me questions about my breast cancer and how I found it. I tell her the story as we head down a short hallway and stop in a room that has just a lounge chair in it. Next to the lounge chair is a radio and a timer set to 20 mins. She tells me that a technician will be in soon named Marissa who will help me through the next stage and just to have a seat. She explains that this is where they will give me the material I must take for the test and that during this part I must sit still and wait, but Marissa would explain it better. I say ok. She asks what radio station I want to listen to. I ask her if I can have my ipod. She brings my coat and I get it out and but my phone back in the pocket. She tells me to have a good day and Marissa would be in shortly. She leaves and I sit back just listening to my ipod. Marissa comes in a few minutes later and begins to explain what is going to happen. She says she must first flush the IV line in my arm with saline then she will pump glucose into my arm. The glucose is so my organs will glow on the PET scan. After she injects the glucose I must stay still for 45 mins so the glucose can travel through my blood stream. If I move, my muscles may feed on the glucose and they would have to start over again. I'm limited to just moving my arms but cannot get up or move around at all. Understood. She then proceeds to sit down 2 16 oz bottles in front of me. She explains that this is barium sulfate. She would set the timer for 20 mins and when the timer goes off I must drink the 2 bottles of barium. This is so my entire intestinal tract will glow on the PET scan. Gotcha. She then gets the saline and begins to inject it in my arm. I wince in terrible pain. She asks is it burning. I tell her no it just feels like pressure is building up. She says she can feel the fluid moving so it must be that my veins are small and that the pressure I'm feeling is the fluid having a hard time moving through the small vein. When she goes to inject the glucose I dont feel the pressure again so the saline must've opened up the vein. She injects more saline after the glucose to push it through the body. Since it took a little extra time to get the fluid in she tells me I must now wait an extra 5 mins. Ok fine. Now she sets the timer and I turn my iPod back on and sit back with my eyes closed. Every so often I look at the clock or look at the timer then close my eyes again. I'm sitting in a recliner with my feet up with no tv or anything to watch so really there is nothing else to do. At minute 20 I hear the timer go off and I pick up the first bottle of barium she has opened. It has a straw in it and I start to drink. Barium sulfate is the most disgusting tasting liquid I have had the unfortune of tasting. Ok maybe prune juice is worse but this stuff taste terrible and it is making me very nauseous. I know I have to finish it and keep it down or we will have to start all over so I drink it down in big gulps and then pause when the nausea hits me so I can keep it from coming back up. It takes about 10 minutes to finish both bottles this way but I'm glad when it is over. I sit back for my last 15 mins with my eyes closed trying not to concentrate on the sick feeling in my stomach. Marissa finally comes in to get me and she walks me to the bathroom first before taking me into the CT room. Now for those who have never seen a PET/CT scanner it resembles a MRI machine but it is wider in the center and it is open on both ends. Thank goodness for that at least. She positions me on the scan bed..I will lie face up with my arms above my head and my feet elevated. She tells me I must lie perfectly still even when ti seems they arent scanning me or they will have to start over. She then slides me in slow and tells me to close my eyes as they put a red laser line on me to mark where I'm going in the machine. They get me lined up and then Marissa puts another blanket on me (these scan rooms are kept extremely cold so I'm shivering) and then leaves the room. The scanning begins and I'm slid back and forth out both ends of the machine for several passes and then finally out the back end where the machine seems to just stop. The first nurse had told me that the PET/CT scanner had been down all weekend so now I'm worried it has broken again. I dont move though I just lay there and after about 10 mins the machine pulls me back in a few feet. 10 more mins pass and it pulls me back in a few more feet. 10 more and a few more feet..so on and so forth till I'm completely back in the machine. During this time I am becoming more and more aware that I desperately need to go to the bathroom. After 40 mins or so I'm completely in and then I'm brought back out the front end and by now I have to go the bathroom so bad I can barely lay still. Marissa asks can I hold it, the CT scan portion I'm having now only takes a couple of minutes and if I get up now she will have to put more of the radioactive material in for the CT scan. I try to lay there but I finally tell her no I must really go right now. She helps me up and I run to the bathroom. I come back and she helps me lay down on the bed again, this time facing the opposite direction so that my feet will go in first. She explains that during this last test she is going to pump in a fluid that is going to make me feel hot all over all the way down to my pelvis. She tells me to slide down on the scan bed til my feet are hanging off the edge. Takes a couple of tries but I get to the right position for the scanner line to line up properly. She then pumps saline in the IV line to clear it, which again makes me feel pressure in my arm, she rubs my arm which helps a little. She connects the fluid she must pump in and turns it on. After a second I feel a hot sensation from my arm to my head down my chest all the way to my groin area. How odd. She tells me the scanner will talk to me and give me instructions for this final test. I say ok and she leaves the room and the machine begins. For the CT scan I must hold my breath for 20 seconds each time the machine tells me to and then breathe out when it tells me to. It does this for about 3 or 4 passes. While I'm holding my breath I'm being scanned. While I'm breathing normal it is not. After the final pass Marissa comes back in and asks me who my doctor is. I tell her and she says ok well the results are online so he can see everything now. I tell her ok..she then tells me I'm done. She pulls off the bandages from early and pulls out the IV line..she puts a bandage on and tells me not to take it off for awhile as she's afraid the way the line was put in it may bleed out. Ahh lovely. After that she helps me up and walks me into the hall with my belongings and tells me I can go get dressed and leave. She tells me the last material she pumped in will dehydrate me so drink plenty of water all day to help flush it out my body. I get back dressed and decide to ask admissions is there any paperwork I can fill out today for my appointment on Wednesday. They tell me to have a seat and wait. I go buy a bottle of water to try to get this nasty taste out my mouth and to do as Marissa said of flushing my system. During the wait I call my sister in law Carla and tell her what has happened and that I'm done for the day. It is now only a little after 11 so I'm happy it didnt take all day but the barium has me feeling very sick to my stomach. After 20 mins I go back to admissions for them to tell me that they cant give me any paperwork that day just the day of my procedure. Oh well. I leave the hospital and head home. I eat different things all day trying to get the taste off my tongue and the nauseous feeling to pass. I dont know which of the 3 drugs they pumped in me caused it, but I end up having diarrhea that night (sorry to have to share that but it's reality of what I'm going through). My back is in screaming pain all day so I end up taking some advil PM around 9 pm and sleep pretty much through the night.
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