Monday, January 17, 2011- Day 14

The pain subsides from everywhere but my back..I am starting to think this will always be the case. I have learned ways to get off the bed slowly so as to keep the pain to a minimum. Regardless there is no way to sleep that completely alleviates the pain so I still cannot sleep through the night, drugged or not. I am still not able to keep food down..I am feeling hopeless on this. It is a holiday so thankfully my roommate is home from work so I am not home alone all day which I'm grateful for. I watch television when I can, eat a little, get sick, take pain meds, sleep when I can. The hours seem long. I have too much time to think and thinking makes me sad. I cry alot til I get tired of crying and get up. I shower for the 1st time in several days. The water on my back feels so good and I stay in for over 20 mins just standing in the water. I start contacting breast cancer organizations that give away free wigs. I finally find one that agrees to send me one the next day and stay on the phone with the woman Pam for another 20 mins talking about her experience as well as my own. It is always good to talk with other survivors. I email several others just to get more information and find a group for younger women with breast cancer. I email them. I go back to laying in the bed watching tv and sleeping. I only eat because I cant take the pain meds on an empty stomach but soon as I eat I get sick so it seems so pointless now and my appetite is starting to fade. I drink the ensure which makes me sick as well. I hate them. Anything very sweet tastes disgusting to me and makes me feel sick to the stomach. All food has a bland taste. I try to eat the food my cousin makes but it all makes me sick. I dread eating. I am constantly tired, no matter how much sleep I get it's never enough. If this is what life is going to be like for the next 3 mos I dont know how I'm going to make it. I just pray alot and sleep off and on.