Thursday January 27, 2011-Day 24

I wake up and flip on the tv and realize the cable is still out. I had been texting Tracie through the night off and on since there wasnt anything else to do. At 5 am I got a text from my job letting me know there was a 2 hour delay. I slept in a little longer then got up and started to get ready for work. As I'm running my hands through my hair that morning a lot of hair comes out..I get a sick feeling but I ignore it as I continue to get ready for work. I didnt have tv or the internet so had no way to know how bad things were outside. I leave out my apartment and wait at the bus stop. A bus pulls up and tells me that my bus is not coming that buses are only running on snow emergency routes and that I wont be able to get to my subway station. Crap. I call for a cab. The cab company tells me there is a 1 hour wait and that I must pay an additional $3 for the cab. I say ok. A few minutes later I call my boss and tell her I have no way to get to work and that I'm going back home. She says she has no electricity and that she's not going to work either. I called my co-worker Lucille and she tells me she's not going either, she doesnt have electricity or running water. Wow. I walk to the corner store and grab myself a pair of sunglasses (I'm getting snow blindness). The cornerstore is dark except for 1 working freezer. They tell me that this side of the street (opposite of mine) is without power completely. I tell them I have power just no cable. They laugh. I get back in my apt and lay down while I talk to another co-worker Isabelle. As I'm laying there on the bed I scratch my head and a large clump of hair comes out in my hand. I touch the back of my head and 2 more clumps come out. I had read that hair loss could start as early as day 14 after chemo and today was the 14th day. So here I was losing my hair. I am heartbroken. It is hard enough dealing with the chemotherapy and fighting cancer but losing my hair is traumatic. I cant see the tumor in my body but the bald patches in my head I can see. I start sobbing. I need comfort. I text Tracie who tries to console me but cant. I text my sister in law and my cousin. Im still sad. I finally call a 1-800 line for breast cancer survivors. I talk to the woman for half an hour and she finally gets me to calm down. It is an inevitable part of this journey. It is just another step in the process I must endure. It will be the most trying of all. I go across the street and buy myself a doorag to wear in the meantime. I dont want to keep touching my hair since it is falling out everywhere. I tie my hair up. My cousin offers to take me to the hairdresser next week to shave it off and get a custom wig. I have a wig that I got from a cancer organization but I dont like how it looks. She says a custom one will be better. She tells me to go to my neighbor and get some head scarves in the meantime. I go next door to my neighbor Ms. Tweet. Ms. Tweet is like a grandmother to me. She is older and very sweet and loves me like one of her own. She always knows how to comfort me. I tell her what's happening and start crying as I'm telling her. She holds me close til I calm down and tells me to take a seat. I sit and we talk for awhile. She goes and searches and comes back with a handful of scarves, 3 of which are long enough for me to use as head scarves. She and I sit and talk for 3 hours til I'm finally calm and feeling a little better. I go home and have some dinner and then lay down early to get some sleep.